Sonsearcher

Two Becoming One

2011-03-31T06:58:00.000-07:00

This blog has been incorporated into Allie Chilling so can I invite you to pop over and join us there?
Sure hope you will.

Guilt and Freedom

2010-04-30T13:28:00.000-07:00

The Artist's Way book is going to bring up some really meaty things to process on this blog as I go along.
I can tell already.
After just 13 days of writing the 3 pages every morning (see Allie Chilling for more details) things are starting to emerge.

For example, one day I noted that I felt guilty about something: then I began to list randomly things I felt guilty about.
To my amazement, a seemingly endless stream spewed out of my pen
I had no idea that I carried so much guilt about so many things!

Guilt about keeping sufficient contact with friends; about things left undone; about procrastination; about not being a good parent/grandparent/wife; about not exercising properly; about lack of faithfulness in praying; about not liking to cook. . .
Just on and on.

And I had been oblivious to this.
And even more bizarre is that this is going on unrecognised in the mind of a Christ-follower!
We, who have set free in Christ, should of all people, be free of guilt.
Not because we get everything right, but because Jesus did.
Then took the Fall for us.

Now that I recognise where these accusing comments are coming from, the potency of the attack is lost.
I can dismiss them and move out into the freedom that has been provided for me at such cost.

Yay!

Standing on the Desk

2010-04-12T21:25:00.000-07:00

Do you remember the scene in Dead Poets Society where Robin Williams gets his students to stand on the desk to demonstrate the need to look at things from another perspective?

A powerful visual aid!

We too, need to allow God to shift our perspectives to help us deal with life on earth.

To remind us that we are "seated in heavenly realms in Christ" even while we are living out our lives here.

We all want dynamic faith.

To have that certain knowledge that God can be utterly trusted -

Even when nothing seems to be going according to plan and it looks as though there is no way forward.

And we want it to descend on us from heaven, gift wrapped - complete with "feelings of faith"

The trouble is that faith often grows by way of tests and trials.

We usually only begin to lean on God after we have depleted all our natural resources.

We don't even realise that most of the time, but He knows.

And we need to know it too.

And so He teaches us to look at those trying circumstances with new eyes if we are willing.

Is God perhaps using the hard and sad things of this fallen world as His opportunity to show His love and power towards us who believe?

Is God answering our prayers for increased faith by taking us beyond what we can manage on our own?

Whittling away at our independence and missplaced self confidence?

Wouldn't it be worth feeling helpless if it made God more real to us?

Let's be willing to" stand on the desk" in times of hardship, and see them as a gateway to increased knowledge of the reality of our Lord.

Starting Over

2010-04-10T09:22:00.000-07:00

Hullo again, little blog
I have missed you.
So let's take hands and continue our journey here.
Are you ready?
Let's go then.

Goodbyes

2009-09-02T01:17:00.000-07:00

On "Alliechilling" yesterday, I said I doubted whether my two blogs could happily co-habit.

(You can check the post if you need more info)

But the very act of saying it, has made me realise I need to do just that.

Not sure why, but I do

So, the time has come to put them, like the two very different siblings they are, in one room and see what emerges.

Let the dominant sibling trample the other

Or let them learn to give each other space

Maybe they will finish each other off and something completely different will rise from their ashes.

So this is goodbye to Sonsearcher as I have known it (sob)

But this "little sister blog" will no doubt peep through in Alliechilling now and then.

She is small but tenacious.

And she has loved her short life.

Thanks for sharing it

Heartfelt

2009-08-27T04:13:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday evening, 700 women packed our venue to listen to 5 amazing stories of ordinary girls doing extraordinary things.
They had been invited to an event called "Heartfelt"
700 is a number that noone had anticipated!
That so many women turned out on a week night was evidence that God was at work right from the start.

We watched spellbound (part of the presentation was done on video and part "on the couch" type interviews) as each story unfolded before our eyes.
Stories of braveness, faith, difficulty, devastation, hope, sheer hard work, perseverance, great joy, victory -
Overridingly, they were the story of God showing Himself powerful and gracious through the lives of women willing to *go there* in response to the leading of their Lord.

A case of their "setting their faces to the wind and scattering their handfuls of seeds on high" (see sidebar)
Who knows what those stories will inspire others to be and to do?

True

2009-08-19T04:33:00.000-07:00

Hmm, from the responses this post received perhaps a part two is a good idea
To try to explain more clearly what I mean
About not mis-understanding Him.

Let me see. . .
The way I find easiest, is to relate spiritual things with human things; almost like little parables, for eg:

If babies, going for their shots, could think logically, they would assume their parents don't care about them; do not protect them; don't love them.
After all, how could they they allow someone to stick a needle into their flesh and cause them a lot of pain otherwise?
Because the parents don't lift a finger to protect them; in fact, they thank the perpetrator!

Schoolgoing kids rail against parents because they have to go to school and learn stuff they don't think they need to learn: they have to deal with children and teachers who are not always kind.
But the parents make them go anyway.

Teens often accuse their parents of not loving them because the parents refuse to give them what they want.
How many of us have had the accusation aimed at us (and have aimed it at our own parents): "You don't care about me!"

But we all know now that that is far from the truth

It was misunderstanding
Misunderstanding of the hearts of the parents;
Of the motives of the parents
An inability because of youth or ignorance to see the bigger picture.

Now we see things differently: we no longer misunderstand those kinds of things
But we can still misunderstand God
When life seems tough, and nothing is clear
Because we don't see His bigger picture.

But what we need never ever do again is misunderstand His heart or motives.

When He says He is good
He is good
No matter what life dishes up.
When He says He loves us, He loves us
No matter how it looks to us at the time, if we belong to Him, He is bringing something good out of the mess.

Understand

2009-08-16T10:29:00.000-07:00

For a long time I was puzzled as to how any human being, even a disciple of Christ, could say that they "understand God"
After all, God is infinite, eternal - beyond our puny capacities in every way.
And yet He says:
"Let him who glories, glory in this,
That he understands and knows Me."

What was I missing?
Bruce Wilkinson came to my rescue a while back: he said something like this -
"We need never misunderstand God"
Wow!
The lights came on for me then. . .
It explains the last part of the verse too

As parents, we can relate in a tiny way
How awful it feels when our children misunderstand what we do; when they attribute mean and unkind motives to the things we do out of love and concern for them.

Whether we understand what He is doing all the time or not
Let us never misunderstand Him
He is always good
Always just
Always gracious

Loyal

2009-08-10T09:09:00.000-07:00

I sometimes wonder what we will feel when we arrive "there" and we see just what the Lord had provided for our lives here, if we had just allowed our eyes to be opened to it.

When He says He has already given "everything for life..."
And has already provided for us "all things in Christ...."
why is it so hard for us to relax into that?
He tells us about His unending devotion to us
Over and over again
But we are often so blinded by the looming threats around us that we can forget His words.
We are like children afraid of the boogie man
Or the sounds of thunder

He is reliable
Trustworthy
We cannot dictate to Him the modus operandi
But we are welcome to ask Him for whatever we desire
As Jesus did in the Garden of Gethsemane

He is loyal to us
Can we be loyal to Him?
Will Jesus indeed find faith on the earth when He comes?

Attentive

2009-07-16T02:48:00.000-07:00

I was numbering to myself all the things I like about God

There are an awful lot.

I halted at this word when it came to mind:

"Attentive"

Have you ever noticed how attentive He is to us?

* His eye is on us

* He knows how many hairs we have on our heads (bear in mind that we are constantly shedding hair and growing new ones!)

* He knows when we sit down and when we get up

* He knows when we lie down

* He knows our words before we say them

* He knows our thoughts before we think them

* He knows our paths before we walk them

* He knows what we need before we ask Him

And those are just a few (mostly in Psa 139) but we see undivided attention, as though He cannot tear His eyes away from His beloved.

Its a lump-in-the-throat lovely picture.

An example might be the way we just cannot help watching a tiny baby: it just lies there, but we are unable to stop looking at it.

And so I thought about our attentiveness towards Him.

Is it precious to Him?

It seems so -

That love-rivetted gaze speaks of adoration and He seeks worshippers. . .

Open-Handed

2009-07-13T02:22:00.000-07:00

I have sung songs;
prayed prayers;
made statements;
concerning surrender
Yielding fully to God was something I desired more than anything.
In part, I had "done it".
But, underneath was an awareness that there was a white-knuckled holding on - grimly, fearfully.
I didn't know what was holding on;
I didn't know what it was holding on to;
and I didn't know why it was holding on.
There was always this deep knowledge that the very thing I thought I wanted to do more than anything - to that very thing there was an inward resistence.

I have some answers, at last.
And like all the lies we believe, once they are exposed to the light, it is easy to see how ridiculous they are.
I realised that at some level, I had believed that if I fully yielded to God,
my life would become rushed, busy, noisy with lots of talk-talk, meetings, appointments, no quiet, no space, no solitude.
Everything that is hard for me.
So I held on to my loved life-style, in the same way a child who is offered a $1000 note clutches on to her shiny cent piece.

At that same level,

I had also believed that a fully surrendered life was too hard for me, too holy for me, too high for me.

That I would never be able to live it.
If we want truth, we look at Jesus.
He lived His earthly life totally surrendered to His Father.
His life didn't look anything like my imaginings.
In fact, the complete opposite.
And, about it being too hard?
Well, ja-hah!
ALL of the Christian life is too hard for us to live: we've only got to read The Sermon on the Mount to get that.
That's why He lives His life in us, through us -
To the degree we will allow Him to.

So now I say YES to Him
Now I can open the white knuckled grip.

I don't know how He is going to work it out in my life but I am just going to live
And watch what He does.
The great adventure rolls on . . .

Write It Down

2009-07-06T07:01:00.000-07:00

Anxiety is something that most people think of as a necessary part of life.
Yet most of the things we worry about never happen.
We seem to battle to learn from experience though -
Shouldn't we look for ways we could change that?
How about keeping a notebook for the sole purpose of recording anxieties and our prayers concerning them
Just simple notes like:
"I am worried - I don't have money for school fees next term. Lord, please help me through this situation."
And then record what happens over time.
What I have realised is that often the Lord answers prayers in such subtle ways that we don't even notice what He has done.
Two things are wrong with that:
a) We don't get to say 'Thank You" to Him
b) The situation does not add to our faith in His ability and willingness.
So some of the value of the experience is wasted.

In the Old Testament, altars were set up to commemorate times and places where God showed His power on behalf of His people.
I believe that He wanted them to have something tangible to remind them of His faithfulness and power.
The same principle holds good today for us: people are people in whatever age they live.
We too need something to look back on to remind us how He has come through for us time after time.
To encourage our confidence in Him.
Every time He does it, and we remember it, our faith in Him increases.
It is amazing how much it helps when we have specifics of His faithfulness to look back on when we are anxious.
Try it.
You may be surprised by what you see over time.

Kind

2009-07-01T11:32:00.000-07:00

Sometimes God just blows me away.
I mean, He is always amazing but every now and then, He just pours out kindness and favour in a way that beggars belief.
(If you will pardon the expression!)
Today is one of those.
We feel as though we have stood under a deluge of answered prayers - all in one day.
And we are practically speechless with gratitude

Experiential

2009-06-27T01:01:00.000-07:00

There have been some interesting chats as a result of the previous post -

For me, it has brought the heart of God for His lost people vividly front and centre again:

I didn't realise how much I had allowed it to become sidelined.

So easy to do as we get caught up with our own trials and lives - even our quest to follow Christ ourselves, hmm?

Anyway, people have aired views like:

Isn't it fantastic to see God at work in such a specific way?
It's mind blowing to see the reality of His search for the lost!
Is it necessary to have the process so structured?
Isn't it supposed to be the normal lifestyle of Jesus-followers, to be 'tuned in' to Him all the time?
Isn't it open to abuse?
Is it wise to tell the people you encounter that they are 'targets' in God's treasure hunt?
All of which make great topics for discussion.
Interestingly, no one has dismissed it out of hand. . .

Straight after one of these discussions (which took place at a local mall), I walked into a practical application lesson, or thats what it felt like.
On my way to my car, I was made aware of two separate situations of women in trouble: both of them had their heads in their hands; both of them felt faint (for very different reasons) and both of them responded with openness to my approach.
And I had the excitement of watching Him causing them to open up and share - one of which has resulted in a planned meeting over coffee.
Who knows what plans He has for this dear desperate woman?!

I am so stirred by this -
And have a new desire to have my spiritual 'antennae' fully operational even in the midst of the hurly-burly of life.

Be Amazed

2009-06-24T02:14:00.000-07:00

Today I was blown away by this post on a friend's blog.
Let me just say, I have known this girl for years - she is nobody's gullible, freaky, 'seeker after signs' person.
She is a mature Christ-follower, passionate about Him and to see His Kingdom come.

What she shares is amazing, inspiring. . .
See what you think.

Dependent

2009-06-22T02:06:00.000-07:00

Heard this recently -
it certainly made me think differently about prayer.
Maybe it will you too. . .

"A thin prayer life speaks more of lack of dependency than lack of self discipline."

Woundedness

2009-06-15T09:19:00.000-07:00

Maybe we overlook the value of woundedness.
So much time and energy is spent trying to avoid anything that will cause us to suffer.
I'm beginning to think that people who have had a pain-free life might just be the selfish and hard hearted ones.
Not because they are horrible people but because personal suffering helps us to be more aware of the sufferings of others.
Helps us to be tender towards them . . .
I know that I can glibly do the "Oh shame, man" thing when I am a virgin in their particular area of pain - but then when the same thing happens to me, I blush to realise how little I actually felt for them at the time.

In my own cyber-village, I am witnessing some of those who have been deeply hurt in the past and have worked through it, together with those who are battling present emotional pains join hands to reach out to people suffering now.
Maybe we should view the difficulties of life differently; maybe we could pray differently while we are in the midst of them; maybe we could learn to see them from another perspective . . .

Maybe we could recognise that mysterious wisdom of God, working in our lives so that we too might be "broken bread and poured out wine"* for those struggling ones in our path
*With acknowledgements to Oswald Chambers: My Utmost for His Highest

Alone Time

2009-06-08T08:52:00.000-07:00

In a couple of previous posts I mentioned that I felt I was being invited

into a closer walk with the Lord, specially in the area of private prayer.

This is more concerning that.

My very busy elder son (40) called me this morning to say: "Mom, I have a gap this afternoon. Can you meet me for coffee in Constantia."
That is about a half an hour's drive from here
I should explain that I try to have one-on-one "dates" with my two married sons every couple of months so we can catch up on things that matter to us.
And so I can satisfy my mom-heart with face-to-face; you-and-me, contact with these beloved children.
(In the chaos of general family get togethers, they cannot talk about and I cannot hear the real stuff that's on their minds: there is just too much going on).

My son asked me if I was going to be up that way - obviously thinking it would be a bit much to expect me to come all that way for an hour with him.
Little does he realise that I would go a lot further, just for that.
Little does he know how much it means to me, as a parent, to have his invitation to spend alone time with him.

As I was driving to the venue, I felt a joy that was akin to pain it was so full.
Then it was as though the Lord was smiling at me and saying:
"You see, Alison, this is something of how I feel when My children want to spend alone time with Me"
I love the way He uses ordinary things to speak profoundly to me; to illustrate in a way He knows I will relate to
And not forget

Betrayal

2009-06-03T23:54:00.000-07:00

Is there anything like betrayal by a close friend?
Especially one who knows the Lord?
It cuts through to the deepest place because you have entrusted your true self to them.
This is how the word speaks of the heartbreak of it:
"For it is not an enemy who reproaches me;
Then I could bear it.
Nor it is one who hates me; who has exalted himself against me;
Then I could hide from him.
But it was you, a man my equal,
My companion and my acquaintance.
We took sweet counsel together,
And walked to the house of God in the throng."
Psa 55:12-14

Jesus, at the moment of betrayal by Judas, still called him "friend" and asked him: "Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?"
Matt 26:50 and Luke 22:46
He knows what the pain of it is like.

It can take a long time to get past the woundedness even if the willingness to forgive is there.
But God is a faithful Companion on the journey through the process and the safe arrival at wholeness will come.

Agony

2009-06-02T07:28:00.000-07:00

In times of tragedy, well meaning friends can say things that are true but, at the same time, not helpful.
Today God used a story about a time like this to illuminate the Cross to me anew.

A heartbroken mother at the funeral of her young child confided to her close friend:
"People say things like:
'Your baby isn't really gone, he is in heaven. He's not in that coffin.' "
She said:
"I know that's true, but it doesn't help me.
The little hands that I held are in there; the hair that I brushed back out of his eyes is in there; his face that I washed and kissed are in there. . .
I loved that little body."

What did it do to the heart of God seeing the precious body that He had crafted for His beloved Jesus lifeless and shut away behind a stone . . ?

Ah NO!

2009-05-31T21:38:00.000-07:00

My last post was about the realisation of my slide away from intentional prayer times.
The kind that you need time for - not the dashed off ones
(Although, far be it from me to suggest that these are not heard.
I have FAR too much evidence that they are.)
I was happy that the realisation didn't come as a 'call to duty' but rather as an invitation.

Confession time.
In the intervening time, nothing very much has changed.
Even when perfect times presented themselves, I have dragged my feet like a reluctant toddler.
I have picked up a TV remote, a magazine, or stared out of the window
WHY?
Why do I do that?
When I get into praying, I love it and the time passes like liquid diamonds
And yet
There is this resistance.
I plan to push through it - but I need lots of grace -
if you think of me when you are praying,
I sure could use some prayer back-up

Adventure

2009-05-27T21:05:00.000-07:00

A book called "The Lost Art of Intercession" came into my hands recently.
As I read the book, I realised that the intensity of my prayer life had been dimming without my being aware of it.
And been replaced by an almost conversational one.
It has many good points and I wouldn't want to lose that
But time set aside for really getting to grips with the Lord
Time alone
Time when you know you will not be interrupted -
That is what's been missing far too often lately.

Normally this realisation would have brought guilt
And I would try harder to do the thing right
With the memories of the times I had tried to be faithful and failed, nagging at the back of my mind
But the word He gave me ("Invitation" - see previous posts) is doing its miraculous work.
So instead I see it as His wide smile, a beckoning to join Him in this adventure of living, being a co-labourer in His great work.

That He should want to share this wonderful project with any human is amazing enough
But with me?
Remarkable!
Suddenly prayer takes on a new hue

Prejudice

2009-05-17T10:30:00.000-07:00

Why are Samaritans, who were shunned by the Jews as inferior, so often the 'heroes' of Jesus's stories?
Have you ever wondered about that?

Could it be that He was trying to deal with our inclination to prejudice?
I don't know about you but I see that I have had prejudices -
against (for eg) Moslems and the Chinese.
I am learning that I must keep stepping away from the tendency to view people in 'clumps'

Jesus never did that:
He saw everyone as a person, unique and beloved.
One for whom He was ready to die.

The moment I see anyone as just part of a group with which I have issues, that person loses worth to me.
I believe it is a widespread problem -
Hence Jesus's recorded interactions with the Samaritans.

Check for yourself: the woman at the well was a Samaritan
Later through her, a whole Samaritan town believed in the Jewish Messiah.
The kind neighbour was a Samaritan.
Of the ten lepers Jesus healed, the only one who returned to thank Him was a Samaritan.

Coincidence?
I think not.

It must have been a shock to the Jews that Jesus made so much of this despised race -
Who do WE think is outside Jesus's ambit?
Is there any people group we tend to write off?

Is there any people group you might have issues with?

His Face

2009-05-15T04:39:00.000-07:00

I would have loved to see the expression on the face of Jesus as He looked out over the excited crowd at the time He entered Jerusalem on the back of a donkey.
The people were thrilled that their salvation was in sight, and the city was in a joyous uproar.
But He knew that this same city's people would be baying for His blood within a very short time.
Did He smile at them, extending His wonderful grace even then: realising that they had no idea how things would go?
Was He serious, recognizing the nature of the moment?
Did He look sad, seeing their lostness?
Did He rejoice with them, knowing that the end of His destined journey was near its triumphant fulfillment?

I would love to have seen His face

Veiled

2009-05-11T06:22:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered why Mary did not recognize the risen Jesus in the garden early that Sunday morning?
And why His two followers on the Emmaus road (although not of the twelve, disciples nontheless who would have known Him well) did not recognize Him until He broke bread in His way?
It used to puzzle me so much
Until I came to this -

Maybe it is true that no one can know the risen Christ until He chooses to reveal Himself to them.
Not even His closest followers.
Maybe knowledge of the Risen Christ was then, and is now, by revelation alone.

Beyond

2009-05-09T05:15:00.000-07:00

We have been designed with eyes that see because there are real things out there to be seen:
And ears because sounds out there are real so we need a way to become aware of them.
And so with all five senses.

It is because these external realities exist, that we have the faculties to appropriate them
Here's the thing that I love to think about -

If that is so, then we have been given faith because there is something real out there, beyond the senses, to believe and know.
Faith has to do with that which cannot be picked up by any of the 5 senses.

In other words, the fact that humanity has been hardwired with faith (and everyone has) is proof of the reality of God and His Kingdom.

Why would we have a faculty to perceive something that isn't there?

Invitation x 2

2009-04-24T02:09:00.000-07:00

About that Invitation -
(If you haven't read the previous post you will need to, because this one continues from there) -

Its amazing how that one word has caused a seismic shift in perception.
Scripture stands: it is truth.
But it can be understood in many ways.
Someone once said: "Read it aloud because it forces you to interpret."
That made a lot of sense to me - after all, where you place the emphasis in a sentence can greatly change its meaning.

Example -
"COME to Me" = "Its your choice to stay where you are or not, but ......"
"Come TO Me" -="Don't run away from Me, you don't need to."
"Come to ME" = "I am the One you are longing for: you don't need to look any further."
The same three words, but the emphasis makes all the difference.

In the same way, the word "Invitation" is adjusting how I place the emphasis in understanding the word of God in the light of His heart.

It is so easy to get legalistic and not even realise it.
To begin to see the word as a book of "ought to's" for ourselves and others, with all the negatives that brings to the church and the world.

This invitation is re-saturating His word with His character and His heart towards us.
I am seeing so much more His open-armed, smiling desire that we join Him in His journey here.
He beckons us . . . "Come on, come with Me. . . "
It changes everything
Walking with Him was wonderful before
It sparkles now!

And to think I nearly didn't ask Him for the word because of my own fears!

Invitation

2009-04-22T04:47:00.000-07:00

A number of my friends had told me of God giving them a personal word for this year
I mean one single word.
The idea appealed to me butI wondered how I would know, if a single word came to me, that it was from Him.
I hated the idea that I might unwittingly make up my own word and didn't know how to not do that.

But I decided I would ask Him anyway
For a word for me for now.
Then pretty much forgot that I'd asked Him
Not long after that, I was writing in my journal
As I wrote, I used the word 'invitation'
And couldn't get past the word.
Do you know what I mean?

Its as though you just cannot move away from it; your eyes will not let go of it.
It is like a magnet for your attention
I was suddenly made aware that 'invitation' was my word from Him
in the unmistakeable way He has of doing that.

It was like getting a gift.
From heaven.

I am only starting to unwrap my gift.
This is the first layer of beautiful wrapping:
'Vita' means 'life'
"In vita tion"
It sounds as though He is personally beckoning me into LIFE; big, wide, beautiful LIFE, in a new way.

That would be enough on its own but I know there is much more coming and I will share with you as it becomes known

Liked

2009-04-16T03:33:00.000-07:00

I remember, some years ago, being convinced that a certain woman (let's call her Delia) disliked me -
I went through a process of: 'impression', 'assumption', 'fixed idea' which speedily became 'fact' to me.

I remember well how I reacted.
I felt so awkward around her that it was impossible to be natural.
So it was easier just to stay away
I convinced myself eventually that I didn't like her.

This situation persisted for quite a while.
Then someone told me that this woman had said she liked me.
After the initail "Say WHAT!?"
My attitude towards her underwent an immediate amazing change.

As soon as I knew I was liked, I realised that my attitude towards her was just a defensive mechanism
Which I didn't need anymore.
And I found that I did like her after all.
And I was free to be myself.
We became good friends.
But for that "chance remark" that exposed the faulty assumption, that friendship would never have happened.
Knowing that you are liked and accepted opens you up to relationship.

The spiritual parallel goes something like this:

Religion, which basically says:
"You are rotten; God doesn't like you anywhere near Him; you have to clean up your act" actually makes people want to keep as far away from Him as possible, telling themselves they don't like Him anyway.
As I did with Delia.

He knows we need to be sure He loves us before we can come willingly to Him;
before we can be ourselves with Him;
before we can entrust ourselves to Him.
He tells us in so many ways that He loves us; and proves it finally by the unthinkable price He paid to have us back - the life of His Son, Jesus.
This is His way of telling us how much He treasures us.

His liking for us; approval of us, gives us a wide kingdom of freedom in which to know Him; grow in Him; learn from Him and love Him back.

Known

2009-04-08T00:32:00.000-07:00

I watched TCM last night - an Elvis documentary made in 1970.
I suppose you could say he was my idol in those days
That has a bad connotation in Christianland but really, in my pre-Christ- following days, what did I know about that?
All I knew was that I loved Elvis's music and his ways; admired everything about him; wanted to know everything about him too.

I watched the screaming girls in the video; how they looked at him; how they clamoured to touch him; even kissed him.
Well meaning adults, at that time, were worried about the moral implications - maybe rightly so . . .
But I remember that the overwhelming desire was not sexual
It was wanting to be known by him.
We all knew all the facts about him, words to his songs, likes and dislikes, history etc
Heck, most of us had scrapbooks bulging with photos and data!

But my fantasy was that he, arriving at our town, would know me, call me out, want to be with me.
Out of the crowd, I would be known by him and chosen by him.

Now that "idolatry" thing of the past has become a vivid teaching for me
It is good to know all about Christ Jesus
It shows choice and desire and intent to search the scriptures - to want to find out about His life story, read His words and see His actions.
But that is only a step towards knowing Him.

And, once that has happened, marvel of all marvels - the realisation comes that He knows me
He knows me
He has chosen me out of the crowd, called me by my name.
Not just: "You in the pink shirt"
But "Alison, My Alison"
"Come to Me"
"Stay with Me"
"I have always loved you"

Can there be such joy!

Crosslife

2009-04-06T04:46:00.000-07:00

We will be away for the Easter weekend
With dear friends.
Much as I love that idea, there is a part of me, at this time of year, that longs for solitude to soak up the mystery of the crosslife and crossdeath of Jesus.

It is His crossdeath that comes front and centre at this time.
And rightly so.
His selfless choice to die alone so He could take all of willing humanity with Him to the realm they were created to live in, should be deeply celebrated.
And He adored for the cost that made grace free for us.

But I also think of His crosslife.
He seemed to give His away His life every day He lived here
I wonder how this compassionate Man felt, walking away from the pool of Bethsaida leaving hundreds of sick people unhealed
Did He feel emotional pain at healing only the one man?
And choose to do it anyway?
Were there times when He longed to do something spectacular to make people really see, really understand, who He was?
Knowing that those who understood would always be with Him.
But had to restrain Himself?
Were there times when He was tired and dusty and thirsty; when people saddened Him; when He would have loved to just go home to His natural family and rest there?
In the way you only can with your family.
But He didn't.
We can watch Him make right choices when He was most under siege -
In the wilderness, being tempted, at the beginning of His public journey; and in the garden, again being tempted, at the end of it.
Always, enemy tactics were to try to make Him choose the easy way; the way of humanity; the way of Self.
It is breathtaking to see that, although He had free will and could have chosen another way,
He did not.
He stuck with His Father's modus operandi to the end.
So He could have His children back.

Too big - too marvellous - to comprehend
And that is just the tiniest filiament of reality

What to do but worship?!

Hidden for Finding

2009-04-01T13:42:00.000-07:00

I remember how we hid Easter eggs for our children when they were little.
They used to literally vibrate with the excitement and anticipation of the hunt.
We chose places that would challenge them but not be so difficult that they would give up.
We love their excitement and totally got caught up in it
They constantly referred back to us, including us in the sparkling fun of the moments
We gave them hints, telling them whether they were 'hot' or 'cold' depending on how close they were to the treasure.
They loved the thrill of the first glimpse of the shiny coloured paper under a bush or behind a flower pot.
What a vivid picture of God's dealings with us:
He hides His treasures for us not from us, in the exactly the same way
They are hidden to be found, not to be withheld

His treasures of wisdom and understanding are for us
He has told us where to find them
He has told us how to seek them
He has told us His joy when we find what we seek

When times are difficult and nothing seems clear, it may be comforting to think along these lines . . .

Sing the Song

2009-03-11T12:07:00.000-07:00

Just been watching American Idols -
Now you might wonder what that could have to do with anything, but stay with me.
One contestant arrived there with a stack of notes about the physiology of singing.
It was a thick wodge of detailed teachings about the larynx and the trachea and other body parts connected, even remotely, with singing.
She studied those notes right up until the time she went in to sing for the judges.

While all the others around her were practising singing, she kept learning about the mechanics of singing.
She did not do well and was unhappy and confused because she had studied her notes so hard.

It made me think about walking with the Lord.
About how maybe we also can get bogged down with the theory of following Him; can give ourselves so much to know and remember that we lose the spontaneity of it -
The simple joy of it.

Knowledge of what the bible teaches is vital
But it needs to keep leading us deeper into a living relationship with the God of the bible
As Jesus Himself said to the religious leaders of the day, who diligently studied their religious writings:
"You search the scriptures thinking that you will gain eternal life by them but you refuse to come to Me"

What He offered was simple -
This invitation:
"Come to Me" "Follow Me"
But so many of them just kept their noses in their books and thus missed the very fulfillment of what those words were promising
When He was standing right in front of them.
They missed it. . .

Like that girl.
If she had only just loved the singing and the song
And kept singing . . .

Belong

2009-02-20T18:55:00.000-08:00

Its an awful feeling
Not to belong

Belonging is a deep need in the human soul
Probably because at some unthinkably core level, we know we are the lost children of God
We spend so much of our conscious and subconscious lives trying to make ourselves acceptable to our peers
In order to belong
To be part of a group

But my point here, is how much humanity belongs to God.
All humanity.
He made us.
All
And Christ Jesus paid for us
All.
At Calvary.

Everyone is twice-owned by God
But He doesn't force His ownership
He offers His love
And His Fatherhood

For Christ-followers
We are three times God-owned:
He made us; He bought us
And we gave ourselves to Him in response to His love and sacrifice.
Three-times owned
By the Most High God.

Heartwarming

2009-02-18T07:36:00.000-08:00

To see this is special!

For those who don't know who this is, her name is Helen Zille.
She is the mayor of Cape Town.
She won the international award for best mayor last year and continues to do a magnificent job in the face of huge difficulties.

She is also the leader of the official opposition party in SA.

A woman of immense ability and integrity, she fought against the apartheid government for years, but has obviously felt that the ANC is deeply flawed as a ruling party because she is as outspoken against their wrong doings as she ever was about the Nationalist party's.

This was the caption to the photo:

"MAY THE BLESSINGS BE: DA leader and Cape Town mayor Helen Zille attends a prayer meeting against political violence held in Khayelitsha."

And I say a hearty Amen to that prayer!

Taking A Chance?

2009-02-17T11:01:00.000-08:00

This photo appeared in the Rapport newspaper over the weekend together with a story about the Atheist Bus Campaign going on in London.

How utterly bizarre that there is a drive to recruit people to atheism!
Don't you think the wording is something?!
Probably no God . . .

God have mercy!

Meaning in Mayhem

2009-02-05T07:32:00.000-08:00

A woman has given birth to Siamese twins

that are so conjoined

that although they have two heads and two sets of arms

there is only one body and one pair of legs.

Obviously there can be no question of separating them,

ever.

The mother, who is a simple uneducated young woman,

said that 'God would not do that to me'

when doctors tried to explain during her pregancy

what the status of the twins was

so she refused their offer of a termination.

One can only hope that her faith has survived such an extreme

test.

Now, whatever one's opinion of the thorny issue of terminations might be,

the fact remains that this situation is SO far

from the plan of God.

How then to reconcile the biblical view

that God 'knits together' a baby in the womb;

that we are 'fearfully and wonderfully made'

with incidents like this?

In creation,

He looked at what He had made and called it 'good' and 'very good'

This is not good.

There are no pat answers

Its easy to sound glib and out of touch with reality

when struggling with questions like this

but the truth is

The fallen world is not what He planned

But He did know it would happen

Hence the life and death of Christ -

God will have His beautiful world and beautiful family yet.

We can count on it.

Things like this tragedy serve as reminders

that although what He has done

is finished and complete

We are still waiting for the end of the story to play out.

Knowing the end of the story gives life meaning

in the midst of the tragedies of this world.

More Paradoxes

2009-01-23T07:30:00.000-08:00

I am fascinated by the paradoxes of the life with Christ.

People who don't understand, say the bible is full of contradictions.

But paradoxes are not contradictions; they only appear so.

***

Jesus was called the "Man of sorrows"

It was also said of Him that He was anointed with the oil of joy above all His fellows.

Seeming contradictions, but both true.

***

He had the joy of knowing that the salvation of mankind was secured in the plan of His Father:

that nothing could stop it happening for God had spoken it.

He had the joy of being perfectly obedient to His Father and of being in full fellowship with Him.

But day after day, He had to witness what had become of His crowning creation:

man.

***

The degradation of such a wonderful being:

the pain; the sickness of mind and body; the corruption of nature; the lostness and the hardness.

***

And He had to watch most of them reject the free offer of rescue from that condition.

***

Since we have no way to measure

the depth of His love for us,

we cannot fathom how much pain that must have caused Him.

***

This set the scene for one of the mysteries

of the life of Christ-followers:

Have you noticed that in the worst times,

you can have this deep underlying core of security,

and even a type of joy?

***

It doesn't mean we don't experience the emotions involved,

but

underneath the real sorrow or stress or loss,

this remains if we listen for it.

***

I believe that is Him: causing us to know that He is there;

He is enough;

He will hold us and keep us

because we

belong to Him.

***

Then again, have you noticed sometimes,

in the times of joy, fulfillment, beauty, success -

we can feel an ache deep inside -

almost to tears?

***

I believe that is our sensing His heart for the human condition; that in the midst of our best times,

a consciousness of the

pain of so many people in the world wells up.

***

We may not know what the deep sense

of seemingly irrational sorrow is about, but at times it can be overwhelming.

Its unbidden, unexpected and

doesn't make sense except against

the backdrop of what life was meant to be for His people.

***

Maybe it is something of what

the bible means when it talks about

"the fellowship of His sufferings" and "entering into His joy."

***

Paradox

2009-01-18T10:55:00.000-08:00

I heard an inspiring message today

about the joy we have as believers in Christ:

about how much we have to rejoice in because of who our God is and what He has done.

And we did sing and rejoice as a group of Jesus followers

and it was

wonderful.

***

After the meeting I got chatting to a smiling young man who was standing alone drinking coffee.

I found out that he is a Zimbabwean;

20 something, I guess;

all his family except one brother is still in Zim;

it is not going well with them.

***

Neither he nor his brother have jobs

nor does there seem to be any possibility of jobs for them

any time soon

(unless God does a miracle)

They have no source of income whatsoever

***

A friend of his joined us

His story is a carbon copy of the first youngster's.

They stood looking at me after I had heard their stories

I did not know what to say to them.

And I told them that.

***

The paradoxes of life

and of the Christian life

stun me

All that we had heard from the pulpit was true and real.

For them, as well as those who do have the necessities of life

and more.

***

And I have no doubt that the young Zimbabweans

rejoiced and sang

with us.

***

But how did this translate to these two young men?

And how does it translate to the thousands like them

And to the hundreds of thousands

all over the world?

***

And what can we do -

it doesn't help them that our hearts break for them

Perfect Timing

2009-01-02T01:55:00.000-08:00

I have never thought of God as thinking in year blocks

as we do.

He has this stated overarching purpose;

this huge plan that is already as good as completed in His mind

although the roll-out is still happening in our world -

Rather like a movie is complete on a dvd

but the action rolls out

only as you watch it

But there is also much evidence in His book that periods of time are significant to Him:

think of the recurring number 40, for example.

Jesus, 40 days in the wilderness

The Jews, 40 years in the wilderness

King David reigned 40 years

The 40 days and nights of Noah's flood.

Then there is this telling phrase:

"In the fullness of time. . ."

which indicates there are selected moments in human history

for certain events to take place.

Against this backdrop, the making of New Year's resolutions could seem a bit odd.

As the Lord has promised,

He has a plan for each of us

He tailor-made us to fit into that plan.

And no doubt, He knows how and when to orchestrate it.

Which does not mean that we are passive

in the matter

It means that we take our lead from Him

And co-operate when He gives us the go-ahead.

"So, Lord, thanks for another period of precious time

A gift from You.

May all You planned unfold according to Your wonderful will."

***

New Books

2008-12-29T10:33:00.000-08:00

Today I bought 2 books (one with a workbook) that look really exciting.

One is called "Grace Walk" by Steve McVey

The other is "Living before God" by Ben Campbell Johnson.

I am especially interested in the second one.

Listen to this:

"We have no choice about the fact of "being before God,"

only about how we posture ourselves

in God's presence. . . .

These postures range from wondering about the divine mystery to acknowledging the presence of God in me,

in my heart.

These various stances have enabled me

to become conscious of the divine presence

and to respond to it.

None of these can be called techniques

that guarantee the divine presence, so I have called them postures,

ways of being before God.

I have written this book for the seeking person

who desires to know God,

to live before God in a way that honours God's will."

I will share some of the things that impact me from these books as I go along.

Snuggling

2008-12-22T11:10:00.000-08:00

Last night DH and I took two of our granddaughters (aged 4 and 7)

to a Carols by Candlelight service

at the place we gather with other Jesus followers.

I sat on a blanket at the front with the younger granddaughter

so she could see properly.

She is a child who brims over with love for people

And the Lord used her to speak powerfully into my life last night.

As we sat cross legged on the blanket, she moved up close, took my hand and held it on her lap,

stroking it with her small fingers

Then she moved up closer, every now and then looking up into my face, just to smile at me.

Eventually she became weary -

and ended up lying full stretch on her back,

on top of me,

with her head on my chest

and her defenseless little feet reaching to my ankles.

It was all utterly without any motive except affection.

And it moved me to my core.

I think the Lord is moved when our desire is

just to be as close to Him as we possibly can

Because we love Him

And for no other reason

Nature Speaks

2008-12-16T11:35:00.000-08:00

I was thinking -

Even if God had not sent Jesus for us -

He would still be amazing

He would still make us breathless with wonder at who He is

and what He has done.

I mean

Have you ever looked - really looked - at a wave; a leaf; a baby?

Have you wondered

How whales know where to migrate for breeding?

How birds fly thousands of miles to breeding grounds they have never seen

And how do they know how to weave their nests?

Perfectly

The same as their parent birds, but without instruction?

Have you ever

Had an aching lump in your throat just because nature is so beautiful

You can hardly bear it?

It is no accident that nature sings of the beauty of the One who made it.

He formed it to point us to Him.

But He did send Jesus

The most beautiful of all

All of nature pales by comparison

And we stand stunned by such undeserved kindness.

Reality

2008-12-15T06:07:00.000-08:00

Imagine -

John the Baptist was the cousin of Jesus the Nazarene -

the two of them probably grew up together;

maybe they played the little boy games of those days together

maybe their fanilies spent holidays together -

certainly their parents would have visited each other.

So the young John and the young Jesus would have known each other pretty well.

And yet, at the time when John revealed the 30 year old Jesus to the public as the promised Messiah,

John twice said: "I did not know Him."

It was only when John heard from God that the One upon whom he saw the Holy Spirit come down and remain, that John realised that his own cousin was the long awaited Messiah.

Imagine!

All unknowing, he had played catch-catch and hide-and-seek with the Son of God!

The Creator of the very trees and rocks they had climbed together as children now stood before John, revealed to him at last in truth.

Imagine

Jesus revealed in that kind of reality to us today - if we want to know Him.

Invitation to Know

2008-12-02T22:35:00.000-08:00

"...There stands One among you whom you do not know."

These words from chapter 1* of John (John the Baptist speaking) seemed especially significant to me this morning

You know how that happens -

Its as though you just can't read on; your eyes and mind keep going back to the words.

The meaning for me today is that there is always more of Jesus to know: He wants us to know Him more and more intimately.

His reuniting us to His Father through His dying on our behalf, has provided such a rich inheritance for us -

for NOW.

Not just for the next life.

This rescue cost Him everything; and most of us appropriate so little of what He has given.

Paul, the apostle wrote:

"That I might know Him ..."**

and this from the man who wrote most of the New Testament!

Maybe the trials of life are invitations to us - albeit in sombre envelopes - to press deeper into the richness of the relationship with Christ.

*John 1:26

**Philippians 3:10

Actually the whole passage 3:7-10 is amazing

Clarity

2008-11-09T09:48:00.000-08:00

I always imagined that the longer I lived life as a Christ-follower, the more exact a handle I would have on things spiritual.

I thought that a wider knowledge of scripture and more experience of following Christ would cause me to have more clarity in my opinions on the life's questions.

That I would have more certainty in disputed areas; that everything would be more "cut and dried" so to speak.

I thought that was how wisdom would evidence itself.

And maybe it does.

For some people

But not for me.

What I have I have found, as I have gone on, is that the only things that have become certain and more clearly defined are:

1. the beauty of the character of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and

2. that the rescue that Jesus Christ has effected for everyone who will trust in Him, is a total and complete work

3. And that the word of God shows the reality of things

For the rest, the issues, like:

women teachers and leaders; gay people; how churches should or should not be run; how being a Christian affects one's approach to politics etc

I find myself strangely uncertain about these peripheral issues.

Diffident now about previously very strongly held opinions

But with a greater clarity and certainty of the wonder and beauty and truth

of our God

Look Up

2008-08-04T00:36:00.000-07:00

In the light of world events, and more especially, in this land (South Africa), it is good to remember that, for Christ-followers,
this is not "it" for us.

That Jesus came to tell us about another reality that we could not have known without Him.
In fact, we still cannot know it without Him.

There is more going on than meets the eye
There are these cosmic plans and happenings that give meaning to all that is going on here.

The innate longing we have for a justice and peace will not be satisfied
with this world system
It is flawed at its core.

But He told of the way His Father does things
And holds out the invitation to join in with that.

I don't know about you, but I sometimes forget that when things go
really pear-shaped here
And have to forcefully bring back my thinking . . .

But clarity and hope and zest for life return when the right point of departure is regained.

I will be away for a week, basking in a great gift, in the midst of another type of beauty
Wild life!
Click here to see the sheer beauty and excitement of our destination!

Stepping Out Softly

2008-07-31T10:59:00.000-07:00

I have noticed that when I feel all pumped up spiritually, opportunities to step out into ventures with the Lord seem to shrivel up.
It's when I feel a mess that the Lord opens doors.

I hate that.
I know its good
But I hate it.

I want to go through opportunity doors when I feel spiritually amped.

Not helpless -
Not terrified.
And I hate my motives and reasons for fear too:
I hate that I fear failure;
looking foolish or letting people down;
that my ability to depend on God to do the work in and through me might not be enough. . . .
My present scenario:
I was quietly going about my business, not being stretched in any way really.
Because we have recently changed churches, from small to quite big - I have just been enjoying the expertise of the people in ministry there and chilling.
It's been nice

Probably not healthy spiritually,

But nice
Now I have been called upon to do something I used to love
But haven't done for ages
I should be thrilled at the opportunity

But everything in me wants to run
Make excuses
Find a way - any way, to get out of it.
But I know I won't

Because the upward call of God is to be treasured

and responded to, however tremblingly.

How can I see who He is, what He can do, if I remain safely

in the place of my previous experience?

No, its in the "tremble zone" that we walk on water with Him.

The relevance of a couple of verses spring out:

"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us" (2 Cor 4:7)

and ". . . My strength is made perfect in weakness.

Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my weakness, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." (Paul speaking in 2 Cor 12:9)

The recent posts here on humility; on feeling like a baby again; on poverty of spirit -

seem to have been leading to this very time. . . .

To helplessness
To inadequacy
That must be embraced
If I am to learn to allow Him to express Himself the way He wants to.

Baby-Walk

2008-06-24T21:55:00.000-07:00

It never ceases to astonish me that, in His bigness, God is involved with the smallest concerns of each life.

The book He has brought into my space at the moment: "The Indwelling Spirit" by Andrew Murray - has revisited truths that I was taught in the earliest days of my walk with the Lord.
But revisited them in a way that makes them seem brand new - and
makes me feel I am starting all over again, like a baby learning to walk.

That should be a bad feeling: a depressing feeling, after all these years of learning to know the Lord -

But it is not.

It is wonderful.

I can't explain why - it just is.

A Small Stone

2008-06-12T02:11:00.000-07:00

This pebble is warm from being in my pocket or in my hand.

It all started with a skit done about humility: and the suggestion made there to carry a little stone to remind ourselves "Life's not about me; its about God."

The skit was really aimed at the very young but I need all the help I can get in this department.
So MM (my man) and I decided to join in.

After carrying the pebble in his suit pants pocket for a while, MM said he was going to look for a flat wooden cross to keep instead.
I suppose the stone was a bit awkward in shape.

So many thoughts have crowded in about all of the above:

1. Was this how relics; icons; crucifixes; incense; etc started?

Those things that we can be so dismissive and critical about?

Did they start with deeply devoted people just wanting some touch point to remind them of their Beloved?
Did they start with having an item in their pockets to remember Him by?

Just as we are doing now?

And was that item maybe later placed in a prominent place in their homes? Or another one similar?
Where they could turn their thoughts to Him each time they looked at it?

And the incense -
Did that start by their knowing that Jesus is the fragrance of God and trying to make the most beautiful perfume they could in reverence for that?

And did it happen - as it always has - that eventually the devoted people die; the meaning of the practise is lost, and only the empty acts carry on round inert objects?

And ultimately, the belief arising that these same objects have, in themselves, some power; something intrinsically worthy of worship?
And the horror of idolatry emerges.

But the initial thing - was it not lovely?

2. I noticed how freezing the pebble became if I had had to put it down for a while.
And very warm, almost hot, it was when it was on my person.

And it reminded me of how relationships are: how they remain warm when closeness is maintained - and how very quickly coolness comes with the lack of it.

When we apply this to us and the Lord, it is not that He becomes cold towards us - it is just how we are wired.

We all know how it affects us when we drift off and there is little close contact with God for a while. . .

3. And then, the pebble reminded me of the way God holds US in HIS hands - all of us - all our circumstances - all our lives - in His hands; inscribed on His palms.

This is a sketch of that idea, done in 2001.
Titled: "In His Hands: The Wilderness; The Valley of Achor (Trouble); and me.

I don't know about you, but I find that a heartwarming and deeply moving thought.

4. And lastly.
We can use strategies to help us think correctly;
to bring our attention back to Him;
to remind us of our lack of humility;
to remain focussed on Him;
but in the end, that real, deep, mysterious, eternal, heart connection between us and Him - only He can perfect and establish that.

I believe He loves to do it.

Gee, THANKS, Lord!

2008-06-05T21:18:00.000-07:00

Here are the details I promised about the recovery of DH's missing cell phone.

(If you have just stumbled on to this site, go to http://www.alliechilling.blogspot.com/ June 3rd entry "Plett Pleasure and Phone Fable" to read the background story).

I pick up from the time DH phoned me in a state from the middle of African nowhere about the theft from his car of his indispensible (LOTS of biz info on it) phone . . . .

As soon as I put the phone down, I prayed for his safe passage home - and then - almost as an afterthought

(you know the kind of prayers I mean? - sort of "I don't know how You are going to do this Lord, but I'm just going to ask anyway")

I prayed:

" . . . . . and Lord, if it be possible, please will You organize the return of his phone?"

I went downstairs about 10 mins later to where my friends were sitting chatting and told them DH's predicament, without telling them I had prayed about it.

As soon as they heard, they held hands and prayed for his safe return: and then - to my amusement, out came the almost identical words that I had used:

". . . . and Lord, we can't even imagine how this could happen but if You could organize the return of his phone, that would be great."

We even giggled about it together when I told them of my twin-prayer. . . .

So you can imagine how we all were pretty much doing the Highland fling with excitement and gratitude when we heard only minutes later of the recovery of the stolen item.

Don't you LOVE it when the Lord does things like that?!
Just shows us again how intimately involved he is with every aspect of our lives.

So kind!

Poverty of spirit

2008-05-30T03:40:00.000-07:00

I have generally thought of myself as a person who likes people.
I do.
I find them interesting and intriguing.
Each one is like a good book just waiting to be read.

Lately though, I have become aware of a "pickiness" in myself; a tendency to zone in on people's weaknesses; also a tendency to prejudice, loathed, but there.

How IS it that these lakes of bad attitudes can lie subliminally in us?!
We go on blissfully unaware until the Lord shows us ourselves - in fact, we are often critical of the exact same thing in others!

So I have been brought face to face with my impoverished state ito unconditional, selfless love.

For the first time, I am beginning to understand the beatitude: Blessed are the poor in spirit.

Because only now, can I go to God with empty hands and tell Him I have nothing.
If He doesn't cause His own love to flow out from me to others, I have nothing to give them.

But the good news is: when these things are exposed in me, it is because the Lord wants to deal with them; to change me in ways I cannot change myself.

He started the process by drawing my attention to the story about James and John, offended by the rejection of Jesus by certain villagers, asked Him if they should call down fire from heaven on the village concerned.

He answered them: "You don't know what Spirit you are of."

I realised that my prejudices are often based on the same basis as theirs: people rejecting Jesus.
So I have taken offence on His behalf.

That is not in line with the character of Christ - He remains open hearted always.
So I have been wrong.
Period.

His love sees into, and speaks into, the best in people; to their potential to be all He created them to be.
Our love, cleansed of self-centredness, will echo that.

Generous Spirit

2008-05-15T11:29:00.000-07:00

My friend, Joanne was telling me about a testimony of a miracle she had heard.

A woman told this story:
She had suffered all her life from some malformation in her jaw that was agonising.
That particular Sunday morning, she had been too late for breakfast so had just grabbed a tangerine (naartjie if you're South African) on the way to the church meeting and stuck it in her bag.

(Yes - this IS relevant to the story! )

In the middle of his sermon, the pastor suddenly stopped and said he believed the Lord was saying that there was some one in the meeting who suffered from great pain in the jaw.

The woman, for some reason, couldn't believe that the Lord of all creation would do this for her, so she didn't respond.
Twice the pastor stopped and said the same thing - she did not respond.

After the second time, she reached into her bag and began to peel the tangerine inside her bag, only to hear the preacher (who was totally unable to see what was going on there) stop again and say:
"I know this sounds very odd and I don't understand it, but the Lord is showing me an orange."

At last, the woman was able to accept that this was for her.
She went forward for prayer and was completely healed.

This was the testimony my friend heard - that impacted her so profoundly.
The mercy and tenderness of God!

This wonderful story made me realise how lax I have been in "eagerly desiring the gifts of the Spirit."
Made me realise how I have seen the whole thing kind of backwards.
Been concerned about being caught up in the lust for signs and wonders.

But today I saw how this wonderful enabling from God to equip the saints who long to worship Him by serving man, is the only thing that can really help anyone.

And at the same time, ensure that He gets all the credit because it is obvious that it is supernatural - no man can take the credit for it.

So Lord, thank You for Your wondrous offer; for Your generous Spirit who graciously gives all we need to serve effectively in Your Name.
Lord, I'm sorry that I have for so long seen it wrongly - and now I ask for the ability to hear what You want me to hear; and to see what You want me to see, so that Your people can be served the way You want them to be.

Its amazing - I mourn that unsaved people are so blind to the gift of salvation You offer them; stand astonished that they will not take it.
Then I see that I have been doing the exact same thing here.

Thank You for Your patience and grace.

Contentment

2008-05-02T05:54:00.000-07:00

We have made the transition from our church home of 23 years to a new body of believers.
No small thing.

The sense of change had been in the background for a few years.
Until we finally knew it was the right time and this the right company of people.

We have said our farewells, given our thanks, and burnt our boats.
Very exciting.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

I was recently made aware of my tendency to look back with longing at what had passed. . .

No problem with valuing the people, places and things - BIG problem with their looming so large that I was blind to the good things I have now.

I was being awakened to seeing and appropriating the beauty and the bounty that is present in my life NOW. . .

It has a name: CONTENTMENT

Find the joy and the good things in TODAY.

It has a HUGE bearing on how life is lived, I have found.

It is easy to look back and wish we were still 'there' or to look forward and wish something 'out there' had already arrived.

Something of this is natural but when the present passes unnoticed, unappreciated, UNLIVED it becomes a problem.

And that happens too easily.

This is an ongoing reminder to me (and a suggestion to any who may visit here)-
live today fully
There will never ever be another day quite like it.

Even in the difficult days, the Lord is present and active although sometimes it appears the opposite is true.

"So as we move on into a new season, Lord, may I embrace what lies ahead fully and this time not look back at what I am leaving behind in people, places or life style."

He is able.

Streams of Living Water

2008-04-27T07:44:00.000-07:00

Oh the richness of God's kindness!
The joy of His presence!
And the excitement of new evidence of His leading!

To be where we belong; to find our place; to sense Your specific leading.
Almost too wonderful to comprehend.....

Thank You for leading us to the church community where we belong:
a church where worship of You is paramount, Lord.
Where the desire to know what it is to BE a worshipper of You, and become that, is the common desire of this body of Christ-followers.

This is where our hearts are also
We embrace with gratitude all that you are doing in, and for, us.

Thank You, Lord!

Stand Now

2008-04-25T00:18:00.000-07:00

It seems like a spiritual law; when the Lord has taught us something, there will soon be a practical test to go through.

He was kind though, in that He showed me on Tuesday that what He had done was real.

Yesterday was a different test - challenging, but I can see how it was necessary in order for me to continue to "go there."

Like most moms, my family is my tender spot; the most likely place for me to fall flat on my face in terms of "peace loss; untroubled heart; fear"!

Yesterday it became known to me in a close way that three out of my four offspring had varying sorts and degrees of pain in their lives.
And DH isn't well either.

I was aware of the tussle going on inside me - pain and empathy for "my people" (hmmm: is THAT part of the problem!?) -wanting to rescue them, find answers for them, fix them -
and on the other hand - hoping that I will remain faithful to the truth given, even when the pressure is cranked up.

I awoke early this morning - around 4.
The words going around in me:
"Fight the good fight of faith."
"FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT OF FAITH"

Aha!
I have clarity, a word; a weapon. . .

Satan has not changed his strategies since the Garden of Eden:
he still whispers slyly: "Did God REALLY say . . ."?
Then he accuses God to us: "He can't be trusted."

So, this battle is defined now.
God CAN be trusted.
What Jesus spoke to me is do-able because He makes it do-able.
"We stand because He is able to make us stand."

We will still see the Lord glorify His Name through all of this.

My Hand in Yours

2008-04-23T11:31:00.000-07:00

Adding more to evidence that the Lord was at work, not only in me yesterday but also in others,
I have had feedback
Quite a lot
All good.
His enabling has borne fruit in others as I had hoped and even expected.
Oh Lord!
To see what you can do with one encounter, one exchange, at "ground zero" of the heart!
Thanks for all the steps of this little journey.
May they just be the beginning of this new adventure in faith.

I was reminded today of Your words: "Because of lawlessness, the love of many will grow cold."
And
"Perfect love casts out fear."

If these are the new words You are giving me, what an opportunity to see You at work!
Because there has perhaps never been the degree of lawlessness in South Africa as there is now.
I have heard in the last week of things that almost defy belief.
But Lord, Your love for the unlovable is evident.
You love me.
Our love would fall short because of our viewpoint: because of anger, resentment and fear.
Only Your love is perfect, perfectly unconditional.
It will have to be Your love in us for those.
So that it does not grow cold because we are afraid of the violent men around us.
Lord, will You show me if this is the next step for me?
I am willing, Father.
Trembling but willing. . . .

You Take My Breath Away!

2008-04-22T06:00:00.000-07:00

Why am I so blown away by His ways, His faithfulness?!
I know He initiated this journey within a journey in me;
I know it was He who extended His hand and said:
"Come with Me and see. . . ."
(Scroll down to the first entry of Son Searcher if you haven't been following from the start. Don't be nervous - its only a couple back!)
And yet - I stand astonished when He does what He says.
And thrilled!

Its not just that I felt that the devotional message "went home" this morning - although that is very heart warming and satisfying: its the very definite sense of "this is that."
The Lord had said to me: "My peace I give unto you"
He had invited me to be untroubled and unafraid.
I made a decision to "go there" intentionally.
And I found that He had done it really - its true, available, at hand.
Its a given - literally.

I found sharing with fellow believers this morning a joyous, fun experience.
No nerves, no butterflies, no dry mouth.
(All of which were standard procedure previously)
Even when there was a technical hitch during the process, it just added to the informality and personal-ness of the moment.
So, publicly, Lord, I want to say "Thank You" for this journey, for bringing joy, reality, and a vibrancy back into my zone.

You are good and true.
You take my breath away.

Devotional Tremblings

2008-04-20T11:42:00.000-07:00

This is another, more public opportunity to "put my foot on the land I've been given" in terms of the words I believe the Lord spoke to me previously.
Those well known words cover a LOT of territory and will probably have to be called to mind many times yet

It is so long since I have done any ministry that now I have a simple half hour devotion to bring at Bible School, my heart is troubled.

So this is an opportunity to revisit those words, that promise, those instructions.
It is an opportunity to have my heart searched - and the reasons for the trepidation revealed.

It is not pretty.

My centre is not where it ought to be.

This is about what He wants said to people who may be needy - who may benefit from hearing how He has worked in my life -not about how good a job I can do.

Lord, deliver me from self-centedness!

I will watch to see what He does.

Response -

2008-04-13T07:25:00.000-07:00

The first written words to greet me today were:
"My peace I have given to you.
Don't let your heart be troubled and don't be afraid."
I know the Holy Spirit has heard my heart's intent because my involuntary response to that was:
"Oh THANKS, Lord." and "Ok then, I won't."
Just simple, like that.
Different.
I'm excited, expectant - I desire simplicity in my walk with Him.
He can do it in me.

How can you help being blown away by such a responsive God!

Reality Check

2008-04-12T05:20:00.000-07:00

I am a follower of Jesus Christ,
God the Son,
the Rescuer of the world for ALL who come to Him,
regardless of how life has been lived up to that point.
I am a believer.
But . . . .
How much of my belief floats on the surface of my mind - has never yet penetrated the core of my being to become reality for me?
And do I have the sensitivity to know the difference?

How will my life look if I live TODAY as if I really believed the things I say I believe - everything that Jesus says He has done for me and in me - is true?
"Just for one day, Lord help me to live in the awareness of how complete Your work is, even in me."