Stepping Out Softly

I have noticed that when I feel all pumped up spiritually, opportunities to step out into ventures with the Lord seem to shrivel up.
It's when I feel a mess that the Lord opens doors.

I hate that.
I know its good
But I hate it.

I want to go through opportunity doors when I feel spiritually amped.

Not helpless -
Not terrified.
And I hate my motives and reasons for fear too:
I hate that I fear failure;
looking foolish or letting people down;
that my ability to depend on God to do the work in and through me might not be enough. . . .
My present scenario:
I was quietly going about my business, not being stretched in any way really.
Because we have recently changed churches, from small to quite big - I have just been enjoying the expertise of the people in ministry there and chilling.
It's been nice

Probably not healthy spiritually,

But nice
Now I have been called upon to do something I used to love
But haven't done for ages
I should be thrilled at the opportunity

But everything in me wants to run
Make excuses
Find a way - any way, to get out of it.
But I know I won't

Because the upward call of God is to be treasured

and responded to, however tremblingly.

How can I see who He is, what He can do, if I remain safely

in the place of my previous experience?

No, its in the "tremble zone" that we walk on water with Him.

The relevance of a couple of verses spring out:

"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us" (2 Cor 4:7)

and ". . . My strength is made perfect in weakness.

Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my weakness, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." (Paul speaking in 2 Cor 12:9)

The recent posts here on humility; on feeling like a baby again; on poverty of spirit -

seem to have been leading to this very time. . . .

To helplessness
To inadequacy
That must be embraced
If I am to learn to allow Him to express Himself the way He wants to.